How to Date Your Mate (For Married and Singles)

Dating Your Spouse or Significant Other



All things in life worth having, takes hard work and I believe relationships take work.  If you are not ready for the task, then you may not be ready for love and the benefits of being in a great relationship. :-)   Just think, how did you get to be successful in your job, did it just magically happen?  Hmm.

Besides have you ever wondered why statistics show that married men live longer and are happier than single men?  God knew and knows what he was doing when He said,  "it is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him".  Gen. 2:18  However, if you choose to remain single, make the best out of living a life of giving and loving others.:-)

So on with the tips: 

1.  Remember, it is not all about you, think about the other to ward off selfishness.  Selfishness I believe is a root of a lot of issues.

• Don't always be on the receiving end, do things for your significant other without the need for hints, etc.,  because you love him or her and you want him/her to be happy.

2.  Make time to communicate.  Even though I know folks need "me time" or "cave time", make time to communicate with the man or woman you love.  Remember, women like to communicate, it is how we bond by expression. Express disagreements quickly and pray for resolve, don't let stuff brew. Please don't talk to another male or female (someone of your opposite sex), unless they are a blood close relative,  to console you or give you advice when you are going through stuff with your significant other.  Don't be naive as you will develop emotional intimacy, even if you are a Christian, when you open up yourself to another man or woman you are undermining your relationship.

• It is ok to have "me time" but express to your spouse gently that you need time to think, etc, and give him/her reassurance he or she has not done anything but it is necessary for you. :-)
• Seek to understand before being understood which means using the two ears God gave you more than using the one mouth you were also blessed with.  Have you noted how sometimes folks have disagreements due to misunderstandings because you were not truly listening to what a person said?

3.  Do fun activities that you enjoy together, not just on special dates, but during the week. Schedule time together if you must. Try something new. 

• With busy schedules, and having kids, still plan to date your significant other and spend some quality time together, away from the kids.

4.   Don't take your significant other for granted.  Continue to say thank you for the small stuff.  I am still amazed that after 50 years, my grandfather still thanks my grandma for making his meals. I'm thinking now how many meals has she made, like 50 years * (365 days in a year * 3 meals a day)?  Remember, you can never say thank you enough :-)

 
5.  Pray together as you know that no situation is too big to overcome and you will grow deeper spiritually and closer.

6.  Keep your appearance up.  Don't feel like since you are in a relationship, you can let yourself go and think, "accept me just as I am".   We all know it is what's on the inside that counts but something on the outside also attracted your significant other to you.  Besides keeping yourself up, tells others how you feel about yourself on the inside.

7.  Discover your significant other's love language. We all have ways of showing love but different ways of expressing.  For me, cooking my man a meal might be my way of expressing love to him while he doesn't feel my love until I verbalize it or show physical expressions of love.  We generally show love to the world how we want to be loved.

• Check out this free quiz to discover you and your significant other's love language http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/ by Dr. Gary Chapman

8.  Go often  and regularly through the steps that help to develop true intimacy as indicated in James Dobson's book, "Life on the Edge, A Young Adult's Guide to a Meaningful Future".

• Eye to Body:  Noticing the other.
• Eye to Eye:  Looking directly at each other, looking into each other's eyes.
• Voice to Voice:  Conversation
• Hand to Hand: Excitement of holding hands demonstrates a familiarity or a commitment.
• Hand to Shoulder:  A buddy relationship or a friendship.
• Hand to Waist:  More romantic and often indicates an embrace.
• Face to Face:  Gazing into another's eyes, hugging, and possibly kissing. Often indicating desire and romantic feelings.
• Hand to Head:  Touching a person's hair can be romantic.
• The next three steps are progressive- go here for more details http://www.lns.cornell.edu/~sjr/bonding.html - and are recommended only for the married  and will leave that to your imagination.  However, if you go there before then, know this person has no true commitment with you yet and may not choose to in the future and it could be a short-lived relationship that develops into a "soul-tie" that could be difficult to break. :-) Unhealthy soul ties make it difficult to move on from another who may be not right for you because you have developed a "connection"  and he or she can't get out of your mind and it may be hard, but not impossible, to move onto something better.

Visit these steps regularly (singles and married as applicable), especially if you are married (don't just try to be in the marriage stages all the time but regularly visit earlier stages frequently) and you will likely continue to develop true intimacy.